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But then life happened (stick around to the end and answer my question, would ya?)

I have been chatting with the lovely Lis about her site Catholic Mommy Blogs, of which she has graciously allowed me to take part. And, friends, just chatting with her has given me inspiration to write and motivation. I do have a voice and an audience and something to say. And, with enough honing, dare I say, I might have some talent worth cultivating? Yes, it’s raw, very very raw.

Any who, she got me thinking. You see, the world of the Catholic Mommy Blogger is rife with varying degrees of crunchy, stay-at-home, homeschooling types. Which is fantasic. But, I am willing to bet there are just as many (probably more?) working Catholic mommy’s in “the real world”. For whatever reason they just don’t have the time, or need/desire to also be bloggers. This can be intimidating to us naive blog consumers who may also be racked with unnecessary mommy guilt, because sometimes it feels like everybody is staying home, and that somehow we are not good mothers for working. Just me?

Ladies, I understand the feeling, I grapple with it on the daily. But it isn’t true. We still have a call to Holiness. It looks different, but it is just as noble. Promise. (I am convincing myself that everyday).

So, in the spirit of aspiring to lend my voice to the Working (Outside the home) Moms out there, I was going to get up today and take notes for my favorite kind of post: A Day In The Life.

But then life happened. I woke up this morning in a panic, and discovered I had neglected to put my pumped milk in the fridge last night and proceeded to  sob hysterically for an hour while trying to pump and also get ready for work.

Maybe you don’t know how devastating this is?

Breastfeeding is hard. Breastfeeding while working full time is even harder. Breastfeeding twins while working full time, that’s a superwoman caliber feat. Having to dump 30oz of liquid gold down the drain this morning, ugh.

But, allow me to explain why it is even worse than you might think.
My freezer stash has been suffering as I have been working 4 ten hour days (because we couldn’t find childcare for one day) and pumping more than 3 times in a shift is difficult. Plus, I had a poor quality pump up until a month or so ago when I finally got the Pump N Style. Long story short: life is hectic, I depleted my freezer stash and only have enough milk in the freezer for today. And I have to use it today. I do pump enough now to replace what is used reach day, but having no back up in the freezer is a dangerous place to be.

In the grand scheme of things, it isn’t the end of the world. We have a can of formula,  they can go 50/50 for today,  or even a week so I can build my stash again,  and it will be fine. Really, it will.

But, sometimes. You see,  I am trying desperately to do it all,  and therefore doing everything poorly. Breastfeeding was the one thing I had.  The one proud accomplishment. I was going to take pictures at 12 months and post them everywhere,  “12 Months Strong on Mommy’s Milk” (ok, really. No. No, I wasn’t, but you get the point. ). This was the one thing I hadn’t failed at.  The one thing I haven’t screwed up.

The house is a mess. I make tired mistakes daily at work. I forget to make Dr appointments, and to do my daily readings. I lose my temper with the six year old, and don’t practice reading with him as much as I want. I take a week to respond to emails for the school committee I am part of.  I don’t ever do crafts.  I don’t post blog posts weekly even.  And so so much more.  But,  I breastfeed. I breastfeed twins. My body provides nourishment for two other little humans. And, that is amazing.  But,  now my negligence messed that up to.  It’s not even my body’s fault.  It’s my brain.  How hard is it to put milk in the fridge when I get home instead of leaving it out?  And,  what’s worse, this isn’t the first time I have done this.  You’d think I would learn from my mistakes?  Or build my stash once I saw how low it was?

Gah.

But. Life will go on.  It will be fine.  Things could be so very much worse.

The real question is: do I keep today’s notes for A Day In The Life, start over Monday?

Happy weekend.  And,  boy do I mean it when I say,  TGIF.

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6 thoughts on “But then life happened (stick around to the end and answer my question, would ya?)

  1. I am a Catholic, blogging, full-time working mom of three. Mine are past the breastfeeding stage, but I did work and breastfeed all three of them for about a year and a half each. The thing about guilt is that it sucks, but it also tells me that you are doing the best you can with what you’ve got. No guilt doesn’t mean you’re doing it all right, it usually means you don’t care enough to worry. Do what you need to do to get through this day and then worry about tomorrow when you wake up. We are hopelessly behind on our Jesse tree, but I’ve discovered that the stories fit together really well if you tell a few of them together! That’s my new excuse, anyway!
    Have a blessed day and know that your kids are lucky to have you. Messy house and all!!

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  2. Bless your heart. I am in awe of mothers who work and pump. I always joke about how breastfeeding is the best choice for lazy moms, but for a working mother formula would be so much easier. I admire you and I’m so sorry you had to dump that milk.

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  3. You keep any notes because they are a true reflection of real life. Real life is messy. Real life is hard. Real life forces you to your knees. But! You are trying your hardest, and God sees that. It’s all He wants. And He wants to help. You are doing amazing things, and the glorious messiness of it all is beautiful to God and to your family. Don’t worry about infrequent blog posts or a late email response. Those aren’t the important things. You are enough 🙂

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  4. Oh Amanda, I’m so sorry! I’ve been there with forgetting to put milk in the fridge after work, and I was sobbing the next morning, too! And I’m right there with you, feeling guilty about all my responsibilities and never quite feeling like I’m meeting my own expectations at anything I do. It’s hard, and sometimes it just helps to have someone else acknowledge how hard this juggling act really is, so thank you!

    I’m constantly feeling the pull between working and being a mom. What makes my guilt even worse is that I actually really enjoy the work I’m doing, and sometimes I can get so caught up in my own career aspirations. Then I come home and cuddle my baby and wonder how I can spend another second away from him, or wonder if the “right” thing would be homeschooling the first grader, or at least being more involved with volunteering in his classroom. I know those probably aren’t the “right” choices for our family, but still, there’s always that nagging voice of things I “should” be doing.

    I say keep today’s notes for A Day in the Life, but maybe also do a more typical day, so you have two posts to show the average day and a crazy day 🙂

    P.S. You’re inspiring me to get back into blogging! It’s been quite some time, but reading your posts has me missing it!

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    1. I think if I enjoyed my work it might be easier. It’s terrible to leave your kids everyday and spend all day in misery thinking, “this is what I am leaving them for?”
      I know homeschooling would never be right for us, but Saint Mark’s is such a good place I don’t feel guilty about that anymore.
      Mama-solidarity!

      Hey, get back to blogging! It’s hard finding time, but it’s something I enjoy so I am trying.

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